Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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