This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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