Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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