Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
