so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize