apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
