Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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