I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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