4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize