He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
