she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
