my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
