Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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