I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
