The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
