Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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