Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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