listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
