my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
