i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
