I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
