So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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