you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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