I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
