Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
