im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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