Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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