I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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