which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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