it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize