If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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