I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
