I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
