i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
