You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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