Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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