I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
