He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
