Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
