dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
