I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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