Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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