We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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