I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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