Where did you get a picture of my penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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