I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
