Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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