when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
