just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
