Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
