I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
pray to the hookup gods
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
