He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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