i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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