Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
