He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize