i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
