Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
