Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
