I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
