saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize