See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
