If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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