My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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