People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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