You really coming over, don't trick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
