I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
