i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
