Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
