my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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