My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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