after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
